What now?

This summer has certainly been very different from the ones I'm normally accustomed to. I have gone through different emotional states in these past couple of months. First, it was the sheer joy and relief after graduation: the culmination of four years of youthful exuberant optimism and excitement, frustration, disappointment, sleeplessness and good times. The joy of graduation eventually being displaced by frustration, bitterness, anxiety and irritability attributed to the less than fruitful job search. Now, as I decide to leave my beloved hogtown to pursue other options, I have gone into this state of nonchalance. The past three weekends have been absolutely awesome. I had lots of fun, and have connected with a lot of people who were only peripheral to my life before, but I would really like an idea as to where I'm heading now.

I have no idea as to what my future has in store for me. All I have are my hopes and (broken?) dreams. What's even worse is that I sense this chapter of my life will be repeated 2 or 3 years down the line.

Is this to be my fate, my destiny? Or is this the darkness before the light? While the optimist-realist in me hopes it's the latter, the fact is that I see much less deserving people in a better position than me, or, on the other end of the spectrum, people who have a golden opportunity to get something good going for them, yet for some reason, refuse to take it, a golden opportunity that I would so dearly love to have.

I need Lady Luck to smile down upon me. I need to see my lucky star. I need some meaning in my life.